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hearts desire

this unique discovery is for you alone to uncover. buried within the facets of you is the solution to understanding what it is that constitutes your genuine desire.



following is the most genuine example from a delightful woman who set herself free to be.

Hi Ian,

It's been a week since our session and I just wanted to check in with you and let you know that while the session for me was very profoundly impacting, (especially, using the question "what is this" ? when a mood, or fear, or just about anything I am trying to figure out with a mind that can't and the grace to remember....What is this ? opens a new portal of 'not knowing' and being Okay with not knowing. In fact, in the realization of knowing I don't know what something is, there is a strange sense I am more honest and a burden drops of thinking there was some kind of requirement I should know. "What is this" ? Is such a brilliant thing to bring to my living life, a beautiful humility and above all, a deeper relaxation that not knowing doesn't mean I am irresponsible, just seems I can live with less self-interest to "do the right thing" Who the hell knows what the right thing is from a very programmed mind that is sure it always knew (and didn't)

So thank you for being the energy source that I was ready to experience for falling further into love with ol' bag o' bones H (that's just my endearment word for this character I can see is so innocent in its foibles and tried a life time to "fix" the deep fixated belief I was a sinner and not saved. Ha Ha

The other significant unfolding (since I stopped formal meditation when "seeking stopped" is instead of just "sitting and watching the birds and trees out my window" I use the meditation in your book and it has just expanded what the seer sees. I don't intend to reach any conclusion with this, it keeps changing as to the fullness of what I shut out before in formal meditation. This openness and inclusion feels more natural than my years of formal meditating (which still had the sense of me the meditator and I got quite good at it (barf).

Lastly, a devastating buried truth that drove my life and I did not know came to light. I am not in any relationship and I have long ago took the stance that everything people called love, was not. I accepted that I was too much in separation to even know what the word pointed to and it I bothered me airy/fairy spiritual people glibly used the word as if they knew what it was.

Reading your book, it struck me over and over that while I resisted your words on love (chapter on relationship) nevertheless, a chord was struck that you were authentic in this endeavor to risk rejection to open yourself to explore loving and caring as a human being. Like a bolt of lightening, the forbidden and deeply repressed need that was never met as a child, I had learned to survive by "not needing human love: and dogs in the neighborhood became the saving grace of love to this very day
Memory after memory came how people offered love and I looked benign BUT the lethal reject button was automatic and saved me misery of losing something I couldn't have. I even found myself not letting my own children in their innocent automatic love for a mother, get too close for fear it would be taken away and unbeknownst to me it allowed me to survive until a major suicidal break down in my late 30's.

So here its as a clear as crystal ... the great beauty of a human being (you) taking the risk to explore your ability to give and receive love/caring and the risk to open to our most dreaded fear....we will be misunderstood and rejected by the rawness of the experience. I was so amazed by the authenticity of that exploration where you were not content to achieve (what we call "enlightened awareness" But that our humanity is one and the same co-equal and not even that......divinity/humanity same/same unfathomable Whole Infinite/finite no-name reality.

So there you have what I call love...... the grace that thru another mortal human being (this time being the man we call Ian) what was brought to light was over 80 years of a survival protective device "I don't need your love" dropped away and after getting over the shock of my life playing out that way, a great love arose for the miracle of being freed from a lie that seemed to be immovable that I was not lovable and could not love. I think thru it all love was the driving thing that kept me alive and I have no regrets and deep pranam and bows to a universe that gave me dogs and so many precious open love fests with humble creatures living in love themselves. Not even knowing what the damn word is ! Doncha love it.

Thanks for taking the time to read my long expression. Its a risk I take. Its all true and usually I would not say a word to a soul for not wanting to be misunderstood and rejected.....a loss I now might take some risks to open my heart and let it be broken a million times because I don't break my own heart by false protective defenses I don't need anymore. So what's so wrong with a broken heart ? I rejected every relationship offered to me because I wouldn't risk it. Now all I can think is, that's not the end of the world for Christ's sake. I feel so lucky to have received that from reading your book. Such a great gift ...... yours to give...... mine to receive...... If that isn't love what else could it be ? Halleluia

When I get some $ saved up would like to reserve another Skype appt space. I have never felt less guarded and am still intelligently not going to try to share my heart where its not understood, so I hope you are still open to talking with me where I really want nothing from you except to share my own new steps in trusting myself enough to speak from an unguarded, less self-protected place.

Sincerely and truly

my response:

"h, i have read your letter.................

it is truly the most wonderful email i have ever received.

you have touched me beyond all possible sensory feelings.

yes i am available to meet you via skype or in any other way when it suits you and your budget.

in love ian "


I am astonished at your openness to receive what I wanted to express and not only that but your feedback seemed to tell me, it was not only understood, but opened your own heart. It surprised me. I thought I had over-stepped my bounds to lay it all out on the table in such a lengthy attempt.

Nevertheless, once started, it poured out incredibly fast and uncensored and I sent it in spite of feeling like a child who had over-stepped their enthusiasm and not knowing what to expect. Ha Ha

So your response back sort of shakes the foundation of some kind of belief structure that I am unsafe in this world to what wants to open and flourish in its own unique way. You in no way were patronizing, flattering or being "nice" in your response to my risk and for that I am ever-grateful. It's territory that I sense you have been there, done that and recognize I am wanting to let my wings fly and find out what is being unraveled in me, since our Skype meeting.

Thank you for this sense of equality I sense between us. It feels more authentic in me than my old tendency to put an advanced soul (so to speak) on a pedestal and then feeling shy and scared to speak up. Funny a stranger on the other side of the world interacted with this energy system I call H to help get born what probably has been a long time coming. Simply.....okay to be myself.

Til we meet on